FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF SEVERELY CONFLICTED PARISHES

1 . High and habitual anxiety and reactivity which overshadows perspective, opportunity, and differentiated thought.

  • Remedy: Meet enough security needs to allow calm dialogue and thought. Stabilize the patient.

    • 2. Carefully tended list of grievances is held and recited to negotiate future concessions.

  • Remedy: Acknowledge and air wounds. Apply reality therapy to exaggerations.
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    3. Enduring personal animosities override all decisions, all deliberations, all impartiality.

  • Remedy: Slowly renew, dilute, and broaden the leadership base.

    • 4. Blaming and cyclical, unhealthy relationship patterns will be present and gain strength from anger, revenge, stigmatization, "them and us" thinking, and distancing "ain't it awful".

  • Remedy: Re-state the problems without personal blame. Envision a new future. Don't be vague.

    • 5. Conflict is magnified through indirect communications such as one person speaking for anonymous others.

  • Remedy: Create a fair forum for direct communication where people speak for themselves, directly to the whole group, and where the open decisions matter.

    • A helpful book: Peter L. Steinke, How Your Church Family Works, Alban Institute, 1993.

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    ©1999 Ronald C. Ferris